Thursday, November 16, 2006

Desiccation, thy name is Oatibix!

I have discovered the driest substance in the known universe.

Just one Oatibix, weighing less than 24g, will soak up seventeen gallons of liquid without any loss of dryness at the core. My team's careful analysis has revealed a chance distribution of oaty complexes, each clustered around a central atom of praseodymium-141, creating a six-dimensional vortex that traps water molecules and spins them off in a fine hyperconical stream directly towards the Beyond.

I have filed a patent and look forward to a lucrative contract with NASA to test and develop their manifold potential uses. In the meantime, I'm crossing my fingers that it's safe to use them to line the shed.

And if you were to eat one dry - let me not think on't. All that they'd find of you would be a fine powder, with small patches of beige sludge.
And perhaps your teeth.

Hard to be precise at this stage, as I say, without further research.


clare said...

Oatibix is truly the spawn of the Devil masquerading as breakfast cereal. After using up 20 pints of milk and the entire liquid contents of my fridge, my neighbour's fridge, my landlord's fridge, draining the entire Hove water supply dry, I have now taken to using my very own lifeblood to try and satisfy its crunchiness.
But no, its still as dry as a sodding haystack in the middle and tastes like the inside of a mattress.

Bob said...

Ah yes, but come now, less of this Devil nonsense. Can't you see - soon we will harness its power and use it for the good of all! There will be nothing we cannot achieve! A ha ha ha HAA!!!

Jonathan said...

I believe the first people to experiment with these were the Russians. Research was carried out in a district near the Aral Sea.......

Bob said...

Oh my god, it's true!

Do you think that's what happened to all those seas on the moon as well?

Jonathan said...

If you look carefully, you can see the single oatibix that caused this, just at the bottom left of the second grounded ship from the top.

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